Domesticated Female?

06Nov08

Two months into my job in New York City Big Law sans any witty insights.  Shameful, I know.  I can say, however, that work is not the highlight of my life.  At least not right now.  Cupcakes, however, have become a reason to live.  So has Mr. Zegna, kittens, my family, planning trips to Argentina and Europe, dreaming of my wedding to Mr. Zegna, dreaming of marital bliss with Mr. Zegna, interior decor, my Cuisinart crockpot, and my American Express True Value Card (since I find 3% back on our restaurant tabs absolutely thrilling — you know what that means, right?  Theoretically, you could be getting money back for nothing but DRINKING.  Doesn’t that sound wrong?  So bad, it’s good?).  

This is my reality.  This is the life I’m living.  But when I step back and re-read what I just wrote, I have to wonder:  When did I become such a pussy? (I think it was when I moved to Hoboken.)   First of all, why am I perusing the Wedgwood website and hunting for bathroom accessories when Saks is having a pre-season sale?  Why am I dreaming of marital bliss when I have the opportunity to be the man-eating power woman of my childhood dreams?  And WHY are cupcakes winning out over a self-flagellating diet of steamed whatever and large sugar-free french vanilla lattes?  I’ve gone soft.  Stay tuned for posts about  baking, quilting, and poodle breeding. 

Is this the beginning of the end?

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No Longer A Guest

27Jun08

Since my life has recently become too hectic to continue writing for Guest, I have returned to WordPress to resume Queen Samantha’s Weblog. I can’t say that I was happy to leave Guest; but there was a moment – which involved a squirrel, a cilantro plant, and a song – when I knew it was inevitable. I wish only the best for Rachelle, Guest, and the rest of the team and hold out high hopes of returning in the fall.

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A Temporary Farewell

22Apr08

Dear Readers,

Unfortunately, my life has become to hectic to maintain a healthy work/life/blogging balance. It is for that reason, that I will stop posting on Queen Samantha’s Weblog and post only on Guest of a Guest. I will be back in June, so don’t fret — my absence will be but temporary. Please enjoy Guest in the meantime — there are lots of talented writers there, writing about lots of interesting things. But don’t forget who sent you. ;o)

S

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Lovers’ Quarrels Hit The ‘Net

17Apr08

Wow. I thought that posting the lyrics to love songs on your profile and changing your relationship status were public enough. I had no idea. In today’s tech-savvy world, there really are countless ways to humiliate those you were once intimate with. And for us voyeurs, who needs reality shows when you have genuine, unscripted angst accessible from your desktop? Take, for example, the blogosphere. Or more specifically, this weblog, where an old flame confronted me on the specifics of our (not-so) romantic relationship, while another attempted to oust my identity on my “About Me” page (just as a FYI, us bloggers know where comments come from, despite any not-so-clever attempts to conceal it using pseudonyms and bogus email addresses). Oh, but my trivial encounters are the tip of a very large, emotionally-charged, electronic iceberg.

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Male Hand-Me-Downs

14Apr08

Things with Mr. Zegna have been progressing smoothly. We’re almost ready to plant tomatoes. Almost. We passed the exclusivity road mark a few miles back and I am happy to say that most of his women, save for one, have finally stopped calling. Stay tuned for brilliantly-hatched plans on how to put the kibosh on the calling from this Last Mohican — I promise lots of sadistic humor and political incorrectness. Until then, however, I need to figure out what to do with my Last Mohican. Or, rather, Mr. Valdez.

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Microsoft Making it Easier to Get Away

10Apr08

It’s 4:00 on a sunny Friday. Temperatures are in the low 70’s and you’ve managed to bullshit through your last assignment, put off the rest, and dodge your bosses on the way to the elevator. Yes, you’re free for the weekend – the beautiful, beautiful weekend. It’s time to meet your beau and head over to the parking garage. After all, rush hour is upon you, dinner reservations are at 7, and you would like to love up your beau and have a cocktail before then. More importantly, Borgata is roughly two and one-half hours away and the tables are calling both of your names. The car is packed up, your new Alice & Olivia dress hangs from the “oh shit” handles in the back, the Gucci sandals that you bought last spring and haven’t worn nearly enough are sitting at the foot of the back seat in eager anticipation of reacquainting. And then … you’re off. Sunglasses on, wind in your hair … and you’ve made it through the Lincoln Tunnel without incident. You can taste the free dirty martinis already. Beau takes the ramp onto the Garden State Parkway, and you are exuberant, dancing in your seat to some Eurotrash beats with all the excitement of youth and freedom. Then, “Fuck,” he says.

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Puppy Love

09Apr08

I have been spending a lot of time in Hoboken lately. Lots of great stuff in Hoboken, along with a high concentration of yuppies, baby carriages, and dogs. Coming from the Upper East Side, I’m beginning to wonder … Is this my inevitable fate? Yuppies, baby carriages, and dogs? And if so, the real question is: purebred or mutt?

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Dating for Independent Women

04Apr08

As a woman, it is so difficult to know when to be strong and when to be vulnerable. Even worse, confusing the two can spell relationship disaster. Like many women, I tend to put my guard up during the courtship. Subconsciously I think to myself, “Stay independent, stay in control, he won’t be able to hurt you.” If you tell yourself those things often enough, you will never fall. When it ends, you will feel no pain. Those mantras, however, are also likely to ensure that (1) there is an end; and (2) you will derive no emotional benefit from the relationship in the interim. How does that saying go? No risk no reward? Well, it applies to love and money alike. Ladies (and gentlemen, albeit in a different way), if only we could realize that in this context, our “strength” is nothing more than a manifestation of profound weakness. So when does the guard go down?

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Gourmet Groceries Trump Rascal House

03Apr08

Not too long ago I read an article reporting on the closing of Wolfie Cohen’s Rascal House Restaurant. Yes, after 54 years anchoring New York-style, Jewish-American culture into the bedrock of South Florida, the establishment has given way to South Beach’s premiere gourmet superstore, Epicure Market. Once independent businesses, both Epicure and Rascal House were acquired by the National Deli Corporation (or Jerry’s Famous Deli, Inc.?), whose bottom-line was ostensibly effected by Rascal’s diminishing clientèle. So, just as New York recently fortified its stronghold on South Florida with the opening of Gansevoort South, it has relinquished control of Miami Beach’s northern perimeter. Or has it? Jewish-American cultural icon replaced by gourmet groceries. Come to think of it, that sounds a lot like New York.

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My Taster’s Choice Commercial

30Mar08

What twisted webs we weave. I can’t even begin to recount the recent weeks of drama with Mr. Zegna. Actually, I could, but I’ll spare you. Our current status is “technically together.” Translation: I’m on hold. And that’s not a cynical translation. Literally, we have agreed that he may reserve me for a couple of weeks while he gets his head together and decides whether he wants to continue our relationship. I agreed to this because 1) he is mourning the loss of his father; 2) I’ve fallen for him; 3) I have apparently become something of a pushover; and 4) I should be working, not dating, anyway. So, Mr. Zegna and I are “taking a break” from our one-week-old relationship, but have agreed not to date other people. And I am officially in the weirdest dating scenario this side of the Maury Show.

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