Gay Men and Female Friends Are Forever


Growing up, I surrounded myself with heterosexual boys. I was attractive, boys liked me, I liked boys, and I knew that unless I became romantically involved with them, boys were usually loyal — or at the very least, they would never be cruel or hurtful. Girls, on the other hand, seemed catty, backstabbing, and generally acidic. No, I was perfectly happy with my fleet of St. Bernards and had absolutely no use for those of the female persuasion, save for a “wing girl” or two.

Later on I befriended two females who were, and are to this day, my best friends. As I grew older, social assimilation set in, accompanied by the expected gender biases. Accordingly, I began to look primarily toward females for friendship. Through this transition, I found that, although hetero boys make great friends, good girl friends are irreplaceable. Guy friends will always be there for you, but it is often inappropriate for them to get too close once they enter into a romantic relationship with another female. Homosexual male friends, on the other hand, will always be there for you, and often with something hilariously mean and pithy to say about someone who you both don’t like. In love and romance, then, mates will come and go, as even in marriage there will be ebbs and flows. A real girl friend or gay friend, however — an honest, caring, and loyal friend — will forever be by your side. I went through a period of my life where I looked to boyfriends to satisfy my social cravings, depended on one man to provide the bulk of fun and diversion in my life. Looking back, I can’t conceive of ever returning to such a sad state of affairs.

This weekend, finding myself in something of a romantic purgatory, it was my friends who came through for me. Be it my best friends, who talked me through it all, or the friends who banded together for a girls’ night out at Azza, or the friends who I will see Charlie Bartlett with tonight, or the friend who I will see for brunch and attend the NY Times Travel Show with tomorrow, or the friend who I will catch up with tomorrow night over a beer at our neighborhood watering hole … it is these women who keep me going when I don’t feel like getting out of bed. So many women (myself included) neglect their friendships upon entering into committed, romantic relationships. While I think that a certain amount of neglect is inevitable, I can say one thing with certainty: when I do find a special someone to commit to, his “special” status will depend in large part on his willingness to accept my friends. While there is nothing more important in this life than love, the love for your friends should never be smoldered by the love for a romantic partner.

3 Responses to “Gay Men and Female Friends Are Forever”

  1. Loved the post. Thanks 😉

  2. 2 Dan

    You’re totally right. I’ve always gotten along better with chicks, but since I started college I’ve found that my dude friends are the ones I can really really rely on.

    For some reason, same sex relationships can be even harder than their opposite sex counterparts, but when it comes down to the line, it’s totally worth it.

  3. 3 RK

    You are very wise. Right on!!!!!!

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