Back to Reality (Again): Colorado


Well, Colorado was a blast. I have no late-night trysts with hard-bodied ski instructors to report, but some good did come out of the trip despite that unfortunate fact. 

First, skiing is my newfound favorite winter sport.  I must take this opportunity to pat myself on the back, as I am natural skiing talent. That’s right, my instructors bumped me up to a level four (intermediate) after only two days of instruction. Personally, I think that qualifies me to share tips with other beginner skiers. Here’s a must-read: 


  1. Your days of skiing *must* be followed by long soaks in a 100+ degree jacuzzi coupled with expensive champagne (read: low toxin levels) + Alleve.
  2. You are not supposed to launch off of moguls. Instead, you’re supposed to ski around them. If you do happen to launch yourself off a mogul and manage not to break anything, take solace in knowing that you’ve provided some classic entertainment for your fellow skiers. Then double the jacuzzi + champagne + Alleve prescription, suggested above.
  3. “Ski-in, ski-out” accommodations are always preferable, especially if you are able to “ski out” to the spa at the Ritz. Rated one of the best in the country, the spa at the Ritz-Carlton, Bachelor Gulch beats out the jacuzzi + champagne + Alleve prescription — but not by much.
  4. Think of your feet as headlights. and keep them parallel. Otherwise, you *may* trip over them, “wipe out” before you can see where the rest of your ski school class went, lose your instructor, and end up navigating the side of a mountain solo. Should this happen, there is a high likelihood of it turning out badly.
  5. Make sure that you’re good at skiing, so that you feel worthy of the $3000 Bogner ski suit that you fully intend to buy yourself.
  6. In the absence of Bogner, Emillo Pucci also makes some bitchin’ ski outfits. P.S. if the locals call you a “gaper,” you know your city friends will think you’re stylin’ (“gaper” refers to tourists who are constantly looking up the mountain as opposed to skiing down it. They tend to be wealthy and thus spend ridiculous sums on hot ski outfits.).
  7. Hot toddies aren’t all they’re cracked up to be.

So those are my skiing tips. What else came out of my trip? So glad you asked! 

I learned that western style is alive and well. Better yet, the fashion-forward can still get away with wearing high-quality, unique western designs, despite the fact that the cowboy boot trend is very much over. For example, pair a western belt with your J-Brands and knee boots. Brighton makes some of the coolest belts I’ve ever seen. Here’s the catch: they don’t sell the really nice ones on the web. In fact, everything on the website is cheese. For $300 worth of belted glamor, you’re going to have to locate your nearest Brighton boutique. In addition to belts, wearing multiple silver pieces on your wrists is highly underrated. In fact, silver in general is highly underrated. The whole yellow gold layered necklaces thing … so Jennifer Lopez, so seven years ago. 

Third, when men call you drunk from European business trips, take them with a grain of salt. Especially when they speak of brothels and moving to Estonia. 

Fourth, if you think you’re in shape, try your workout at 7,000 ft. above sea level. Drink a lot of water and don’t expect to do more than 1/3 of your usual workout. Unless you enjoy passing out, cracking your skull on fitness equipment on the way down. 

Fifth, there is such a thing as Larkburger. They will replace a bun with lettuce and fry their Idaho Russet potatoes in truffle-infused canola oil. Alas, New York does not have everything. 

Sixth, New York is a dream city. A vacation home in the Colorado Rockies, however, is a welcome respite. Put it on the shopping list, right beneath the Bogner ski apparel.

One Response to “Back to Reality (Again): Colorado”

  1. 1 Oh, How I Missed The Hills | Guest of a Guest

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